who are you calling a slut?

OMG, ok. Let me tell you about this girl I know. She's relatively normal, but once you really get to know her, she's kind of a backstabbing little slut. First, she gets to a new place and makes all these new friends while she's on and on about this guy she was starting to see before she moved. Seriously, she would talk to him all of the time and not even notice when all these new guys were attractive. One time, this really cute guy was talking with her in her room alone and she didn't even realize he was into her until he tried kissing her and she turned him down!
Anyway, this girl gets kind of sick of the long distance thing and then starts noticing how attractive the people are in this new place. Naturally, this guy with a cute accent ends up getting together with her when they are both out one night. Just a kiss, but it still gets to her. She starts kind of liking this guy and ends up hanging out with him again the next week. First night, kissing--lots of it. Second night, a bit more than kissing. Third night, a bit more than a bit more than kissing--lots of it. Fourth night--you guessed it--she goes to a party painted white, takes too many shots of tequila, and ends up in bed with the guy. A week later, they've been sleeping together every night and spending most of every day in each other's company. He drops some news on her that his ex girlfriend is coming into town for a couple of weeks and they had planned a ten day adventure before they broke up--but don't worry, they're just friends and nothing is going to happen. She did really like him, but she knew it wasn't anything serious, so she wasn't worried about it. She told him it was nice of him to tell her, but that she hoped he would do what he felt was right and assured him she wouldn't be resentful if he chose his ex over her. That was only a week into it, though, and as they continued sleeping together and getting to know one another better, she started to fall for him--started to. Then he ventures south with his ex and she waits for him to return, turning away other guys who expressed interest in her, even though they were really cute and especially nice.
Once he is back, she's excited and ready to tackle him with hugs and kisses, but he is distant and she immediately knows something's up. After he tells her that he had been sleeping with his ex for the last two weeks, she realizes she should have expected it. She's hurt, but she still tries to make things work by texting him sometimes when she gets too drunk.
Anyway, after her emotions are ravaged, she turns her interest to the cute guy who tried to get together with her while she was waiting for the bastard to get back from his betrayal mission, but she finds out the guy gave up on her and is now seeing a very close friend of hers. She takes this and hides any kind of affection for him, out of respect for her friend. She heads off on her own adventure with another crazy friend and after one too many shots of tequila, she ends up in the shower with an attractive guy friend who happened to be in the right random place at the right random-ass time. She feels awful about herself, in that she has now slept with two dead-ends--two useless numbers to add to her now two-handed list of partners. She feels like she's wasted a number, so she goes back to the guy friend from the adventure, once both of them are back, but she decides it wasn't great and she doesn't want to be THAT girl. You know, the crazy one who chases a one night stand in search of a relationship when he really wasn't that into her.
Then after a week or so, she gets herself into this predicament where the cute guy who was seeing her good friend has broken things off with the friend and expressed interest in her. She's in a pickle because she really likes the guy, but she also really likes her friendship and wants the best for her friend. But, after one too many shots of tequila, she ends up making out with the cute guy. The rug wasn't big enough to sweep this under, and the friend finds out, so the relationship there is ruined. She apologizes and tries to make it up. Then, she tries to move on so there's no more drama, but tell a girl she can't have a guy and she just wants him more. Turns out he wanted her more, too. So they have this cheeky little flirting thing going on, on the down-low, and they end up making out one more time. Only this time, it doesn't even seem fun anymore. Just mean. She decides moments later that she's done with him, and she'd much rather have her friend than him. The next day, the friend and her go on a small adventure on which she says she's glad they're sweet and nobody's mad at the other and it was all stupid...right as she was about to tell her friend that it happened again and it was over...So she doesn't want to ruin the good feelings by bringing up what she would never find out about anyway. So that night, she's out at the bar with her friend and gets really drunk, and ends up telling her friend everything, but she's not sure her friend even heard because she may or may not have been asleep. But the next day, there are signs that she heard and was a bit upset, but it could have been the hangover, so she isn't sure. But she doesn't want to risk it, so she shuts up and lets it go and it seems that everyone moves on from the issue and everythign is how it should be. Her friend gets back with the cute guy and it's like nothing happened.
Meanwhile, the cute guy's friend comes to visit and his friend is wonderful. The guy had been telling her the whole time that she was going to love his friend, and telling his friend he was going to love her. Well, they loved each other. Instantly, it seemed. She loved every second of him, and he loved every second of her. This time, completely sober, she ended up in bed with him. Knew him for three days before she slept with him, but it felt like she'd known him forever, even though she knew he was leaving an a week's time. There is no number less useful than one that lasts less than a week, but it's hardly describable, how perfect this triste was.
Before they hooked up at all, the hot guy friend she randomly got with on her adventure decided to flip out on her because he actually liked her, and she didn't know. She thought it was just as random to him as it was to her. She did like him, but like I said, she didn't want to be the crazy clingy girl, so she backed off. Turns out, he was actually really into her and was now resentful that she was hanging out with other guys. He calls her at 3am and tells her he doesn't want her to hoop up with the new guy, but she does anyway because she can't help it, she's smitten. She hasn't told the hot guy friend about the visitor guy, so he still wants her. She doesn't know if she wants him, because she can't forget about the one who just left.
This is a story behind a girl you'd call a slut. I'd call this girl a slut if all I heard was this: She was having sex with this one guy, then he got back with his ex, then she gets drunk and has sex with another guy and then stops talking to him, then she kisses her good friend's former love interest, apologizes and then does it again and never properly apologizes for that, then she meets that guy's friend and has sex with him, too! ....It's really not that bad actually.
This girl isn't so bad. She's on holiday in a foreign country and she's young. She can do whatever she'd like and when she gets home, she can fall in love with a good guy, get married, have babies and die like the rest of them. Every slut's got a story.

It rhymes with shmashmortion.

I'm agaist the destruction of innocent human life. I believe that the "fetus" is a real person with a future and life, and that taking that life is something I have no right to do, whether or not the law says I do. The woman says, "It's my body, so it's my choice," but it's not all hers. That child has different DNA. It's a different person and it should be treated like a baby, not a clump of cells. It's hard to say, but I think the same even for cases of incest and rape, too. It's not the baby's fault that this crap happend. Of course it does suck for the mother who is a victim, and maybe the kid won't have a fantastic life, but that doesn't mean it's better off dead! That's like saying, "Let's kill all the retards and criminals!" ... It'd be like a holocaust. More unborn children have been killed than people were murdered during the Holocaust. plenty more. I think it's horribly ironic that most of these innocents have been killed in the same way. Incineration. I have given this quite a bit of thought, and I can be honest in saying that if I were to find out tomorrow that I was pregnant, I would keep it. Because you know, I have plans, but to say that my plans are more important than this child's life is the most selfish thing I could possibly do. I would literally be killing my own child for the sake of convenience.

Yet another caffeine-enduced rant :)

I think it's awufl that the most horrible thing we can hear is "There are more important things than you and your own personal struggles." ... I think that's why places other than the US hate us so much: we are SO focused on ourselves that we don't give a shit about them or anyone else. We are a nation of teenagers, no matter how old we are. We are focused on ME and MY problems, and maybe some other people's problems, but only if they affect ME.
For instance, Time magazine's most influential artist of the year, Lady Gaga, has an entire career and life focused on helping others express themselves and be proud of their uniqueness, helping them come into their own. That's nice...well, sort of...but REALLY?! The most influential artist of the year focuses on letting people be "freaks" if they want to? Her most important question is about her fans' personal issues with self concept. And the people of America, when it comes to artists, are most influenced by this person. That's basically it in a nutshell. Good job making money, Stephanie, but if you want to do somethign meaningful with all that fame, and all that money, and all that influence...there are many MUCH more important things you can do with it than helping teenagers come out of the closet and dye their hair purple because they feel like it.
We are a nation of people who care about nothing more than satisfying our human desires--we lack ANY kind of discipline, restraint, or consideration for others less fortuante..and that's they way we want it! We pay millions for it, we strive for it! We watch it on YouTube, we subscribe to it, we eat it up, and we love it because it's all about ME!
We don't like religion because it's "just another thing telling us what we can't do"... "Don't have sex, don't drink a lot, don't be gay, don't do drugs, and don't show all your skin to everyone," says the Bible. "But, what if I really really want to?" says America. THAT'S THE POINT! We all really want to, and that's why they tell us not to! Think of someone who's given themselves away to each one of these things. They have destroyed themselves. Discipline and restraint of self from these types of desires is neccessary for healthy living. Don't have sex before you're married is difficult and lame, but it's because the God who made you loves you and wants you to retain your physical and psychological health, plans, and reputation. Not drinking and doing drugs is lame, but same with the sex thing, it's for your own good! The point of telling us it's a bad idea to get involved in all this is to get our focus off of ourselves and onto serving others. Onto things that matter more than ME and MY problems, because, I'm sorry, but I am not imporant enough to be the center of the universe.
This is not to say that individuals are worthless, but it is to say that there is more to life than the individual and his concerns about himself. We are focused on ourselves and living for ourselves, choosing to ignore global suffering because it's easier to care more about my sexuality or my relationships. I'm just saying we need to find a balance, and start caring more about others.
And this "Going Green" shit is also pissing me off. Yes, it's a problem that we are using up resources carelessly, but it's also a problem that two years ago, the death toll in Darfur was over 10,000 people! I love (sarcastic) that we can all get really excited about the fact that our college has "environmentally friendly" toilets now, while we ignore an entire continent of suffering people. I'm not just complaining, I'm trying to make a point that we Americans really need to make some changes so that I can be justified in my patriotism. This country is absurd, no wonder everyone hates us.

OFC


"What's that?!" is the first response I heard from anyone when I told them I was writing a blog about Oly Free Choir. Well, that's why I'm writing it! I said the same thing. I saw a poster on the window of Dumpster Values in Downtown Olympia and it sparked my interest. I decided to make a visit, and did not know what to expect.

The poster told me they met at The Northern on Tuesday evenings, and I honestly expected to meet a ton of people with sheet music in hand, singing something they had all been rehearsing for months. I expected to be a bystanding reporter, silent and survelant. However, what I encountered was nothing of the like.

I walked in to a circle of people, mostly college age and some older, and was greeted warmly. They were happy to have their pictures taken, then invited me to sit down and sing with them. After a while, I played a song on guitar while they sang along and others did the same. There are no specific leaders in OFC, just people who gather to sing songs together.

The OFC sings out of a book of random songs contributed by members who wanted to sing them. They range from classic rock to contemporary pop to the Power Rangers' theme song. There is no sheet music, just lyrics and whoever volunteers to play an accomanyment. Guitar, recorder, and tamborine were the weapons of choice on Tuesday. I was not the only first-timer, and long time members said that Free Choir is on a fairly drop-in membership. Joining their group on FaceBook will inform you of their news and events.

I don't have any readers

So there's this asshole who tries to talk to me all the time, but I mostly ignore him. His name is Nick, and he's my ex-boyfriend's friend...kind of. My ex calls him Packwood, because he's from this scummy town in the mountains called Packwood. Anyway, I never really liked him, so I never talked to him unless he was with my ex and it couldn't be avoided.
So, somehow, he got my phone number and always texts me, and he's my friend on facebook because I couldn't bring myself to deny his fifth friend request. This guy is so annoying, and always talks to me when it's incredibly obvious I'm not interested in talking to him. So he brings up my ex, trying to talk crap..which is fun, but I try to avoid it. I'm trying to find some music on a separate tab while he's harassing me on facebook chat and I'm replying minimally, and I don't answer him back for like twenty seconds and all of a sudden, he's flipping out on me calling me a floozy and a bitch and saying all these terrible things to me...when really all I want is for him to leave me alone. It's not my fault he can't take a hint! He spends all this time trying to get me to like him and then flips out. I just don't get it. Why's he gotta go there? Doesn't bother me, it gave me an excuse to delete him from my friends and block him as a user, so no complaints here.
Just made me want to text my ex and let him know his friend is crazy. But my ex is into this whole thing where when I talk to him, he acts like he's just WAY too cool to talk to me, and like I'm a crazy stalker ex girlfriend because I'm nice enough not to just throw his shit away when I find it in my closet. Like, really? You don't have to act like I'm negotiating a reunion because I found your sweatshirt. I'm definitely not desperate, and I'm definitely not interested in replaying that miserable year and a half of my life. Admittedly, there are times when I miss the comfort and security of a steadfast relationship, but there were hardly any times during which I felt we were steadfast. Either way, his friend is a freak, and I'm grateful I don't have do deal with him anymore.
I'm pretty fresh off a hefty cup of coffee, so I'm just spilling it out right now. I feel like writing. My wallet is so empty. I don't have a job. Well, see, I had a job at Ruby Tuesday, but I was fooled into thinking I'd make more money at Red Bike...so I moved over there, and they gave me like two hours a week and I never made any money. I got frustrated and tried to talk to my boss but he always shut me down. One day, I was so fed up, I went to my brother's house and pretty much downed a whole bottle of wine before I went to work. I told my boss off at work, pretty much quit, and I've been basically unemployed ever since. It's been nice, always having free time, but it hasn't been nice never having any money to spend on that free time. Either way, I'm glad to have an element of spontaneity in this life.
I want to move out of my parents' house, but the face that I don't have a job isn't really conducive to that goal. Maybe I'll meet a handsome young doctor who will rescue me. Dare to dream. I'm happy in school, learning to be a teacher and all, but at times I'm just ready for it to be over. And at other times, I just want to pack up and take off. I feel like that for the majority of the time, actually. I just want to get all my stuff and take off. The glass is half full, but the gas tank is always half empty. That's a little bit clever sounding. Maybe I'll take my chances as a singer/songwriter. Not like that isn't the dream of five million and one other girls and boys.
I'll tell you what, right now I'm down for some tasty food, some good people, and for some amazing, handsome, exciting man to come bursting into my life and make me smile till my cheeks hurt. Not neccessary, that last part...It'd just be nice for a while unitl I get too caught up in my own stuff to pay any attention to him, he'll realize he can do better, just like I always do. Maybe that's why I don't treat guys that well...in the back of my mind, I always feel like they haven't done enough to deserve me. Idk. I want to be pursued. I want to be the one the guy chases and begs until she finally agrees to go out with him. I don't chase boys, but really, they don't chase me either. At least none of the good ones. Ugh. I'm obviously too confused to have any kind of healthy relationship. I don't know what I want, and I probably won't until I see it. Dangerous living, I'd say. Shouldn't I have like a list? A list of attributes I won't compromise on? Christian, driven, attractive, smart, funny, into music, non-smoking, friendly, encouraging, SINGLE, athletic or at least works out, loves his family, has goals, likes spicy food, and never stops being interesting? That'll work. I'll use that as my list. :) Alright, later. Aaaaand, I'm sorry this blog isn't as lingustically awesome as the previous two...but hey, I don't have readers, so who cares? "Not I," said the fly.

Coveteous (Listening to: Half of My Heart - John Mayer)

Grr. I hate really cute, taken men.
Especially Christian, funny, clever, brilliant ones with great minds and good hearts. Why would I hate these sorts of men? Only becuase other women found ALL of them before I did. Forget stealing them away, I couldn't do that. My stealing them would compromise their goodness, and the purity of the relationship I want with one of them.
I have a guy, but he's just cute. He's not brilliant, good hearted, or wittily comedic in any way. And he cuts me down when I try to be those things. Try? I am those things, I just supress it while I'm with him, because he doesn't like me when I act like myself.
AAaaagh, I just want one of the funny, clever, brilliant, really cute Christian men with great minds and good hearts. One of the ones who spells "tomorrow" correctly, and uses the appropriate form of "to, two, and too" for his statments. Can it be that much to ask? Must I have a crush on my young, married professor, just because he's the only attractive man I've ever met who is also smart and actually cares about something real?
Coveteous is the wrong word. It implies intent to take. I meant to call it envy. Wanting something that isn't yours, but not planning to do anything about it.
I don't have to have that specific person. Obviously, I'm not going to become a homewrecker so I can date my college professor. I'm going to break up with Dodo who doesn't like me for who I really am, and wait for someone like my cute professor. But I promise, I won't go after him. I'm not that low.

Gravity, stay the hell away from me.

With him, I'm dull, but cute. I'm not smart. I don't use my vocabulary, I'm usually quite loquacious, for fear that he'll feel I'm condescending. I'm careful to the point that I'm also trying to make sure he doesn't think I'm patronizing him, though what seems patronizing to me is perfectly natural for his limited understanding. I am condecentious at times when I'm already irritated, but he doesn't seem to realize it, and that idea in itself is condescending! I don't like patronizing, it's laborious and irksome in the truest sense of the word. I do like, however conceited I may seem for the fact, being intellectually superior in most cases, but when my intellectual superiority becomes an obstacle of communication and a conductor of strife, I fail to see its advantages in this relationship. So, sure, everything is fine while I'm forbidden to think analytically or express deep thoughts about anything, but as soon as I speak my rampaging mind--which has been screaming inside my head, growing angrier and more restless the longer my mouth mutes it--the shit hits the fan. Once, then, I find myself in the company of intellectuals, the veil between thinking and speaking is torn top to bottom, and out comes a clusterfuck of all my passionate arguments about life, love, culture, religion, politics, anything which has merit. It's then that I suddenly remember that I have an identity separate from the happy relationship bubble on the couch cuddling, he saying, "I love you," without even the capacity to understand me--to know me enough to say the three little words that crush the world they're supposed to complete. I remember that I believe in God, the resurrection of Christ, the intelligent design and seven day creation of the world, the principles of honesty, of integrity, and of hard work as a virtue, not just the means to an end. This is, by no means, to say that he is a bad influence on me, or that I would definitely be a better person without him, but it is to say that with him, the possibility--and especially the guarantee--of being or becoming a better person is nonexistent. I have no doubt that I have the personal capacity to exhibit my fullest intelligence, be an example of Christ, and apply more than the neccessary energy in school and work, I have only guarantees that said capacity is to remain potential and is never to be realized while I'm intellectually, spiritually, and occupationally stifled by my intermittent happiness in the restrictive, though at times elatious, relationship. The person I want to be is unattainable while I'm with him.