It rhymes with shmashmortion.

I'm agaist the destruction of innocent human life. I believe that the "fetus" is a real person with a future and life, and that taking that life is something I have no right to do, whether or not the law says I do. The woman says, "It's my body, so it's my choice," but it's not all hers. That child has different DNA. It's a different person and it should be treated like a baby, not a clump of cells. It's hard to say, but I think the same even for cases of incest and rape, too. It's not the baby's fault that this crap happend. Of course it does suck for the mother who is a victim, and maybe the kid won't have a fantastic life, but that doesn't mean it's better off dead! That's like saying, "Let's kill all the retards and criminals!" ... It'd be like a holocaust. More unborn children have been killed than people were murdered during the Holocaust. plenty more. I think it's horribly ironic that most of these innocents have been killed in the same way. Incineration. I have given this quite a bit of thought, and I can be honest in saying that if I were to find out tomorrow that I was pregnant, I would keep it. Because you know, I have plans, but to say that my plans are more important than this child's life is the most selfish thing I could possibly do. I would literally be killing my own child for the sake of convenience.

Yet another caffeine-enduced rant :)

I think it's awufl that the most horrible thing we can hear is "There are more important things than you and your own personal struggles." ... I think that's why places other than the US hate us so much: we are SO focused on ourselves that we don't give a shit about them or anyone else. We are a nation of teenagers, no matter how old we are. We are focused on ME and MY problems, and maybe some other people's problems, but only if they affect ME.
For instance, Time magazine's most influential artist of the year, Lady Gaga, has an entire career and life focused on helping others express themselves and be proud of their uniqueness, helping them come into their own. That's nice...well, sort of...but REALLY?! The most influential artist of the year focuses on letting people be "freaks" if they want to? Her most important question is about her fans' personal issues with self concept. And the people of America, when it comes to artists, are most influenced by this person. That's basically it in a nutshell. Good job making money, Stephanie, but if you want to do somethign meaningful with all that fame, and all that money, and all that influence...there are many MUCH more important things you can do with it than helping teenagers come out of the closet and dye their hair purple because they feel like it.
We are a nation of people who care about nothing more than satisfying our human desires--we lack ANY kind of discipline, restraint, or consideration for others less fortuante..and that's they way we want it! We pay millions for it, we strive for it! We watch it on YouTube, we subscribe to it, we eat it up, and we love it because it's all about ME!
We don't like religion because it's "just another thing telling us what we can't do"... "Don't have sex, don't drink a lot, don't be gay, don't do drugs, and don't show all your skin to everyone," says the Bible. "But, what if I really really want to?" says America. THAT'S THE POINT! We all really want to, and that's why they tell us not to! Think of someone who's given themselves away to each one of these things. They have destroyed themselves. Discipline and restraint of self from these types of desires is neccessary for healthy living. Don't have sex before you're married is difficult and lame, but it's because the God who made you loves you and wants you to retain your physical and psychological health, plans, and reputation. Not drinking and doing drugs is lame, but same with the sex thing, it's for your own good! The point of telling us it's a bad idea to get involved in all this is to get our focus off of ourselves and onto serving others. Onto things that matter more than ME and MY problems, because, I'm sorry, but I am not imporant enough to be the center of the universe.
This is not to say that individuals are worthless, but it is to say that there is more to life than the individual and his concerns about himself. We are focused on ourselves and living for ourselves, choosing to ignore global suffering because it's easier to care more about my sexuality or my relationships. I'm just saying we need to find a balance, and start caring more about others.
And this "Going Green" shit is also pissing me off. Yes, it's a problem that we are using up resources carelessly, but it's also a problem that two years ago, the death toll in Darfur was over 10,000 people! I love (sarcastic) that we can all get really excited about the fact that our college has "environmentally friendly" toilets now, while we ignore an entire continent of suffering people. I'm not just complaining, I'm trying to make a point that we Americans really need to make some changes so that I can be justified in my patriotism. This country is absurd, no wonder everyone hates us.

OFC


"What's that?!" is the first response I heard from anyone when I told them I was writing a blog about Oly Free Choir. Well, that's why I'm writing it! I said the same thing. I saw a poster on the window of Dumpster Values in Downtown Olympia and it sparked my interest. I decided to make a visit, and did not know what to expect.

The poster told me they met at The Northern on Tuesday evenings, and I honestly expected to meet a ton of people with sheet music in hand, singing something they had all been rehearsing for months. I expected to be a bystanding reporter, silent and survelant. However, what I encountered was nothing of the like.

I walked in to a circle of people, mostly college age and some older, and was greeted warmly. They were happy to have their pictures taken, then invited me to sit down and sing with them. After a while, I played a song on guitar while they sang along and others did the same. There are no specific leaders in OFC, just people who gather to sing songs together.

The OFC sings out of a book of random songs contributed by members who wanted to sing them. They range from classic rock to contemporary pop to the Power Rangers' theme song. There is no sheet music, just lyrics and whoever volunteers to play an accomanyment. Guitar, recorder, and tamborine were the weapons of choice on Tuesday. I was not the only first-timer, and long time members said that Free Choir is on a fairly drop-in membership. Joining their group on FaceBook will inform you of their news and events.

I don't have any readers

So there's this asshole who tries to talk to me all the time, but I mostly ignore him. His name is Nick, and he's my ex-boyfriend's friend...kind of. My ex calls him Packwood, because he's from this scummy town in the mountains called Packwood. Anyway, I never really liked him, so I never talked to him unless he was with my ex and it couldn't be avoided.
So, somehow, he got my phone number and always texts me, and he's my friend on facebook because I couldn't bring myself to deny his fifth friend request. This guy is so annoying, and always talks to me when it's incredibly obvious I'm not interested in talking to him. So he brings up my ex, trying to talk crap..which is fun, but I try to avoid it. I'm trying to find some music on a separate tab while he's harassing me on facebook chat and I'm replying minimally, and I don't answer him back for like twenty seconds and all of a sudden, he's flipping out on me calling me a floozy and a bitch and saying all these terrible things to me...when really all I want is for him to leave me alone. It's not my fault he can't take a hint! He spends all this time trying to get me to like him and then flips out. I just don't get it. Why's he gotta go there? Doesn't bother me, it gave me an excuse to delete him from my friends and block him as a user, so no complaints here.
Just made me want to text my ex and let him know his friend is crazy. But my ex is into this whole thing where when I talk to him, he acts like he's just WAY too cool to talk to me, and like I'm a crazy stalker ex girlfriend because I'm nice enough not to just throw his shit away when I find it in my closet. Like, really? You don't have to act like I'm negotiating a reunion because I found your sweatshirt. I'm definitely not desperate, and I'm definitely not interested in replaying that miserable year and a half of my life. Admittedly, there are times when I miss the comfort and security of a steadfast relationship, but there were hardly any times during which I felt we were steadfast. Either way, his friend is a freak, and I'm grateful I don't have do deal with him anymore.
I'm pretty fresh off a hefty cup of coffee, so I'm just spilling it out right now. I feel like writing. My wallet is so empty. I don't have a job. Well, see, I had a job at Ruby Tuesday, but I was fooled into thinking I'd make more money at Red Bike...so I moved over there, and they gave me like two hours a week and I never made any money. I got frustrated and tried to talk to my boss but he always shut me down. One day, I was so fed up, I went to my brother's house and pretty much downed a whole bottle of wine before I went to work. I told my boss off at work, pretty much quit, and I've been basically unemployed ever since. It's been nice, always having free time, but it hasn't been nice never having any money to spend on that free time. Either way, I'm glad to have an element of spontaneity in this life.
I want to move out of my parents' house, but the face that I don't have a job isn't really conducive to that goal. Maybe I'll meet a handsome young doctor who will rescue me. Dare to dream. I'm happy in school, learning to be a teacher and all, but at times I'm just ready for it to be over. And at other times, I just want to pack up and take off. I feel like that for the majority of the time, actually. I just want to get all my stuff and take off. The glass is half full, but the gas tank is always half empty. That's a little bit clever sounding. Maybe I'll take my chances as a singer/songwriter. Not like that isn't the dream of five million and one other girls and boys.
I'll tell you what, right now I'm down for some tasty food, some good people, and for some amazing, handsome, exciting man to come bursting into my life and make me smile till my cheeks hurt. Not neccessary, that last part...It'd just be nice for a while unitl I get too caught up in my own stuff to pay any attention to him, he'll realize he can do better, just like I always do. Maybe that's why I don't treat guys that well...in the back of my mind, I always feel like they haven't done enough to deserve me. Idk. I want to be pursued. I want to be the one the guy chases and begs until she finally agrees to go out with him. I don't chase boys, but really, they don't chase me either. At least none of the good ones. Ugh. I'm obviously too confused to have any kind of healthy relationship. I don't know what I want, and I probably won't until I see it. Dangerous living, I'd say. Shouldn't I have like a list? A list of attributes I won't compromise on? Christian, driven, attractive, smart, funny, into music, non-smoking, friendly, encouraging, SINGLE, athletic or at least works out, loves his family, has goals, likes spicy food, and never stops being interesting? That'll work. I'll use that as my list. :) Alright, later. Aaaaand, I'm sorry this blog isn't as lingustically awesome as the previous two...but hey, I don't have readers, so who cares? "Not I," said the fly.

Coveteous (Listening to: Half of My Heart - John Mayer)

Grr. I hate really cute, taken men.
Especially Christian, funny, clever, brilliant ones with great minds and good hearts. Why would I hate these sorts of men? Only becuase other women found ALL of them before I did. Forget stealing them away, I couldn't do that. My stealing them would compromise their goodness, and the purity of the relationship I want with one of them.
I have a guy, but he's just cute. He's not brilliant, good hearted, or wittily comedic in any way. And he cuts me down when I try to be those things. Try? I am those things, I just supress it while I'm with him, because he doesn't like me when I act like myself.
AAaaagh, I just want one of the funny, clever, brilliant, really cute Christian men with great minds and good hearts. One of the ones who spells "tomorrow" correctly, and uses the appropriate form of "to, two, and too" for his statments. Can it be that much to ask? Must I have a crush on my young, married professor, just because he's the only attractive man I've ever met who is also smart and actually cares about something real?
Coveteous is the wrong word. It implies intent to take. I meant to call it envy. Wanting something that isn't yours, but not planning to do anything about it.
I don't have to have that specific person. Obviously, I'm not going to become a homewrecker so I can date my college professor. I'm going to break up with Dodo who doesn't like me for who I really am, and wait for someone like my cute professor. But I promise, I won't go after him. I'm not that low.

Gravity, stay the hell away from me.

With him, I'm dull, but cute. I'm not smart. I don't use my vocabulary, I'm usually quite loquacious, for fear that he'll feel I'm condescending. I'm careful to the point that I'm also trying to make sure he doesn't think I'm patronizing him, though what seems patronizing to me is perfectly natural for his limited understanding. I am condecentious at times when I'm already irritated, but he doesn't seem to realize it, and that idea in itself is condescending! I don't like patronizing, it's laborious and irksome in the truest sense of the word. I do like, however conceited I may seem for the fact, being intellectually superior in most cases, but when my intellectual superiority becomes an obstacle of communication and a conductor of strife, I fail to see its advantages in this relationship. So, sure, everything is fine while I'm forbidden to think analytically or express deep thoughts about anything, but as soon as I speak my rampaging mind--which has been screaming inside my head, growing angrier and more restless the longer my mouth mutes it--the shit hits the fan. Once, then, I find myself in the company of intellectuals, the veil between thinking and speaking is torn top to bottom, and out comes a clusterfuck of all my passionate arguments about life, love, culture, religion, politics, anything which has merit. It's then that I suddenly remember that I have an identity separate from the happy relationship bubble on the couch cuddling, he saying, "I love you," without even the capacity to understand me--to know me enough to say the three little words that crush the world they're supposed to complete. I remember that I believe in God, the resurrection of Christ, the intelligent design and seven day creation of the world, the principles of honesty, of integrity, and of hard work as a virtue, not just the means to an end. This is, by no means, to say that he is a bad influence on me, or that I would definitely be a better person without him, but it is to say that with him, the possibility--and especially the guarantee--of being or becoming a better person is nonexistent. I have no doubt that I have the personal capacity to exhibit my fullest intelligence, be an example of Christ, and apply more than the neccessary energy in school and work, I have only guarantees that said capacity is to remain potential and is never to be realized while I'm intellectually, spiritually, and occupationally stifled by my intermittent happiness in the restrictive, though at times elatious, relationship. The person I want to be is unattainable while I'm with him.